


Not Like Last Time

by outofordxr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood, Flashbacks, Mental Health Issues, Other, Profanity, Relapse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 08:19:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6510244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outofordxr/pseuds/outofordxr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Imagine: Imagine Cas finding you self-harming, so he bandages you up and comforts you after.<br/>TW: Graphic description, blood, flashbacks, hint of other mental problems.</p><p>If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and/or other behavior that cold put you/them at risk, please get help.<br/>If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately. Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433. Immediate Medical Assistance: 911. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.<br/>www.7cups.com for online therapy/a place to vent.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Not Like Last Time

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [TW SPN Imagine](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/188653) by TW SPN Imagine. 



> Imagine: Imagine Cas finding you self-harming, so he bandages you up and comforts you after.  
> TW: Graphic description, blood, flashbacks, hint of other mental problems.
> 
> If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and/or other behavior that cold put you/them at risk, please get help.  
> If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately. Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433. Immediate Medical Assistance: 911. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.  
> www.7cups.com for online therapy/a place to vent.

Imagine: Imagine Cas finding you self-harming, so he bandages you up and comforts you after.

TW: Graphic description, blood, flashbacks, hint of other mental problems.

 

            Cooped up in the bathroom, I stared in the mirror. There had only ever been one other time I felt this way. I was in high school the last time. Now I was an “adult”. Fuck being an adult.

            _“Are you okay, y/n?”_

_“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”_

_“Alright, tomorrow then.”_

_“See ya.”_

            I tore into a box of razor blades, taking out one small sheet of deadly silver. I sighed, having it in my hand after years of ignoring the urges, the gnashing hunger for the feeling of a satin red paradise—it was liked having a life ring in the middle of the sea. Running back to my room, I slammed the door. I don’t know why—I lived alone.

            I sat on my bed, staring at the gleaming threat in my palm. Two sides of me were battling. It was enough reason to just tear in to an artery here and now.

            _Do it. Feel something already._

_Stop. It’s not worth it._

_No one cares about your fat ass._

_What would Castiel say?_

            Cas. What _would_ he say? Probably something about how disgusting I am for doing this. Finally, I made my choice. I looked up, and closed my eyes. A deep breath. In one daft movement, I _heard_ the sound of my flesh tearing. Another moment, I looked down and a gasp caught in my throat. Blood was already pooling in the tear in my fore arm.

            “Shit—No…No. No! _No. No! No!_ ” I sobbed. Not again, no. I grabbed for a tissue and pressed it into the wound. Tears collected in my eyes.

            _“I’m disappointed.” My mom gave me the eyes of a resenting parent. I looked down, knowing that I would alwa_ y _s be an utter failure._

“Fuck!” I yelped. God damnit! I heard ruffle of a coat in front of me.

_“I just hate myself, so much and I want it all to end!” I screamed._

            “Y/n, I brought coffee today—“ his voice burned my ears. “Y/n? Wh-what are you doing?”

            “Cas—I—Don’t look!” I choked. Cradling my arm, I moved away and looked up at him—I can only describe it as looking like a wounded animal.

            “What happened?” He asked with hurt, assessing the scene. The razor sitting at my feet from dropping it, and my blood stained carpet and clothes and sheets. He rushed forward and sat in front of my legs. He gave me a look—he looked so exhausted—and brushed his warm fingers over my wrist.

            _The doctor held m_ y _bandaged arm and gave me a look as if he were asking, “Do_ y _ou trust me?”_

            “May I look at it?” Castiel inquired softly, waiting for my jerky nod to pull the bloody tissue away. He gasped, and furrowed his brows. In a beat, he was wrapping my arm with his tie. When he was finished, he pulled my sniveling being into a bone crushing hug. “It’s ok to not be strong, y/n… I’m sorry I did not come earlier.”

 

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and/or other behavior that cold put you/them at risk, please get help.

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately. Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433. Immediate Medical Assistance: 911. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.

[www.7cups.com](http://www.7cups.com) for online therapy/a place to vent.

Afterword:

            I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for at least 6 years. In November of 2015, I suffered a relapse and I almost was hospitalized for self-harm. The fat tissue, and an artery were visible for a few days. This one shot is written from that incident, the flashbacks being mine. I don’t want to see anyone get this far in hurting. It is worth it. <3

-Cameron

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and/or other behavior that cold put you/them at risk, please get help.  
> If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately. Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433. Immediate Medical Assistance: 911. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.  
> www.7cups.com for online therapy/a place to vent.
> 
> Afterword:  
> I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for at least 6 years. In November of 2015, I suffered a relapse and I almost was hospitalized for self-harm. The fat tissue, and an artery were visible for a few days. This one shot is written from that incident, the flashbacks being mine. I don’t want to see anyone get this far in hurting. It is worth it. <3  
> -Cameron


End file.
